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I know how you feel - short bangs never worked for me. Rather than bangs, may I suggest a face-framing sidesweep? I ask my hairdresser to do that with short layers in the back. It's about chin-length when dry. After I get out of a shower, I usually blow-dry the top of my hair and much of the bangs at least to try and soften the cheesedoodle effect - and yes, I use a good conditioner every time to keep it soft :). LOTS OF LAYERS is all I can say. :D
I know you mention flat iron didn't help, but don't use it to make your bangs flat straight but to lift it at the root and try to bend the ends under to hold it there. Hope this helps.
I have thick, curly hair too and it's impossible for me to dry and style it. I often have to work or go to school early in the morning, so I don't have the time to spend an hour or more blowdrying my hair and attempting (unsuccessfully) to style it. I actually like my curls, but I've given up on styling it and opted for a small ponytail instead... I can never get my hair to look as good as it does when I leave the hairdresser's! :(
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